Maelstrom

ONE MORE WEEK!

chibi_tenshi — Sun, 27 Nov 2005 04:25:00 GMT

Of lectures, that is. Then finals begin, and we'll be tossed into the Ultimate Pit Of Doom (otherwise known as the UPOD)...ok I just made that up. School's really wearing me out now. Every week I look forward to the end because I think I finally get a break. But do I really? Noooo. Cause the next week just hits you harder than the last, and it always feels like you're constantly trying to keep up but are always behind. Thank goodness I don't have any anxiety disorder type of thing. My mom always said it's freaky how I never seem to ever worry about anything. Even if I have a huge exam the next day, I don't study like mad, or freak out, or do anything paranoidic (if that's a word). I think that that "abnormal" aspect of my mentality has kept me alive until now. If I was actually easily worried like that, I'd probably have gone insane by now and be frothing at the mouth, and writhing on the floor or something.

Now that I have injected such a brutal mental image into your brain, I suppose I can talk about more enjoyable aspects of student life. Today I spent some time at MKV. We were supposed to do the economics quiz together, but as you can imagine, that didn't really happen anytime soon when we got there. Pool, jitz, table tennis, and Scrabble (yes, Scrabble) got the best of us. "Grandma game" my ass...Scrabble is wicked. Lunch @ REV. Note to self: never ever ever ever ever buy giant cookies from that caf...$4-something for 3 cookies. Damn them for not putting up price tags. I believe it was then we went down to the community centre to do some relaxing. (Not like we had done any work yet XP.) There, I found out how much I suck at billiards. But after the others jeered at my pitiful hand position for hitting the cue ball, I totally pwned them with my miraculously improved foosball offense and defense skills (not to mention that I so totally beat Chikkin and Queenie with my elite table tennis finesse). Mwahahaha. Then we did econ quiz...ugh. Went to REV for dinner. Not too bad, at least compared with the three dry, saccharine, over-priced cookies. Augh, waste of money.

"The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three; he was the genius."

Rewind

chibi_tenshi — Sat, 19 Nov 2005 20:13:00 GMT

Okay I was gonna blog like a couple weeks ago, I swear. Then I got lazy. No surprise there.

So, what has happened so far? Midterms are almost over. One more calculus term test, then I'll be done. Of course, by then it'll be almost finals =_=". No breathing time at all! I thought I was finally released from the agony after the business midterm. (Sat through my first 3.5-hour midterm @_@.) It felt sooo good to let go that night. Dinner at Bubble Tease, movie (Saw II) at Conestoga, and playing bullshit till 2 in the morning. Highly interesting, especially when some people *coughFANNYcough* got slightly tipsy and went totally pink in the face. Not to worry, I'm still anti-alcohol XP. Saw II wasn't as scary as I thought it was going to be. Gory, yes, but that's expected. Not worth $9.95 though =___=". Damnn...we didn't know about the student discount we could've gotten >_<". Ah well.

HP4 is out! OMG OMG OMG! But I still have to wait more than a month to watch it. Hopefully it's worth the wait.

Aiii...I've received news that at least 11 people have already dropped out of our double-degree program. Mostly due to CS/Business. Gahh. Business. Currently, all the DDs are mad at work on the New Venture project. Must get a good mark. That business midterm really killed a lot of people. I'm very satisfied with my mark, though it's definitely below my own standards, but compared to the rest of the BBAs, it's not that bad. HOWEVER, I just hope I can do well on the algebra final, considering I nearly flunked the second midterm.

So far today has been pretty good. Yesterday was really weird. Finally watched 'Ice Age' though ^^. Yes, I'm very behind the times. And SNL's Celebrity Jeopardy is hilarious. XD God, I waited so friggin long for people to get here...didn't even know if they were coming or not ><". So it was me, Matt, Fanny, Henrie (gay chicken), and Phil. Sat around playing bullshit for some time, till we got tired of Philip's "analyzing" cards. Man I swear, people live like pigs in rez...don't even help clean up and stuff ><". Then went to Matt's and watched like 5min of Naruto and some Green Day special on MuchMusic. Haven't seen that channel for quite some time. Of course, Fanny, Henrie and Matt just had to share some shots of vodka. While Matt admired Henrie's alcoholic prowess, Fanny searched online for bus routes and I food-napped from Matt. Slept at 3am.

Woke up today at 9 cause I thought Philip would be here around 9:20 or so. SAD MISTAKE. Called him at 10 and he had just rolled out of bed. After much, much, MUCH waiting for various things, Fanny, Philip, Jeff, Derek and I finally set of for SANTA CLAUS PARADE! WOOT! Gay chicken was much too gay to join us. It was fairly nice weather today, considering a chain sub-zero temperatures all throughout last week and most of this. GRT sucks crap...waited like 30mins for busses...and I thought TTC was bad...*sigh*.

Lunched at Timothy's. Their soup and bagel were really goooood =9. Tea sucked, though I'm not a fan of tea/coffee anyways. Came back to UWP around 2pm to find a raging Henrie wondering where his group is, ready to kick all their asses back to Asia. Funny...XD. And of course, here I am, blogging. It'd be really nice to have done all that fun stuff when I didn't have so much on my mind (ie. SCHOOLWORK!). I can really relate to how Philip was feeling, though that dude seriously needs some catching up with regards to sleep o_O. Didn't know he had it in him...braver than me...haha. I guess this is what uni does to you.

AUGH, so much left to do! And I haven't even started studying for calculus yet. So dead, so dead, so dead...

Alright, back to New Venture....

"I still say a church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence." -- Doug McLeod

GAHHH!!

chibi_tenshi — Sun, 16 Oct 2005 17:56:00 GMT

I'm being so killed in Uni. (I have lost all my English proficiency because of my math & comp sci classes, so don't mind sentences which seem to make no sense at all.) SO MUCH WORRRRK! T_T And no time to do it.

Slept at 4:30 last night, after watching Fumoffu and some other random stuff...hahaha...so that would be partially my fault. Note that I have no self-discipline. And yet here I am, blogging away, with an algebra midterm tomorrow that I haven't even begun studying for. The course itself is practically suicide for me - it's 50% proofs. ><""""""""" I hate proofs and they hate me. Calculus is okay so far. Economics is just insane, business is alright and comp sci is fun but probably the second most frustrating thing (first is PROOFS! AUGHHH).

Right now I'm just really out of it (only 6 hours sleep) and so I'm blabbing about random stuff. I realized that I didn't do my usual "quote" at the end of every blog on my last blog. This was due to the loss of many many brain cells while working on those late-night alge and calc assignments. Also cause I forgot to transfer that quotes document onto this laptop. Ah well...

Hmm...so what has happened in the past few weeks? I don't really remember anything significant; everything seemed to kinda pass in one huge blur. I remember a lot of work =_=. Thanksgiving weekend wasn't as much fun as I hoped, but at least I got to see two close friends =D. Damn doctor appointment...I had to leave early to go to that, and then we found out it was closed that day. ><""""""

Wilfred Laurier University just has a knack to always piss people off. Yeah I'm REALLY mad right now cause I have an economics midterm from 3-4:30pm on the night of our commencement. If it were only that, then maybe I'd either defer it, or try as hard as I can to rush back. But NOOOO...we also have a business midterm the follow SATURDAY. How moronic is THAT?! No way I'm gonna defer TWO midterms. Then both finals will be worth like...70-80% of my mark. AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I don't know if it's PMS or whatnot, but I'm really pissed about that, and other random things I probably shouldn't be pissed about, but I hardly go out anymore, or do anything fun and I have a feeling this is gonna impact my well-being. I might walk out of first-year looking like something reminisce of a crazy scientist.

On a lighter note, grocery shopping is pretty fun. I get to pick what I eat and stuff. And I look forward to making dinner cause it gets my mind away from work (for a tiny while). Lunch, not so much cause it kinda interrupts me sometimes. FOOD is a saviour. Speaking of lunch, I should go eat now, for I have an algebra review session to attend in less than an hour =_=. God help meee.....

TGIF

chibi_tenshi — Fri, 23 Sep 2005 19:54:00 GMT

Survived first two weeks of university. It was certainly new and exciting, but not in the good sense. Algebra teacher is great. He explains well and has a good sense of humour. But the course itself is suicide. Calculus teacher is okay. Mediocre explanations paired with mediocre humour, for a guy his age. Computer science is pretty boring. It's been fairly easy so far, but I'm sure it'll get exponetially tougher before long. Professor is good, but has no sense of humour whatsoever. As for business and economics, they both suck to no end. Classes are boring and both professors move along so damn fast.

Of course, uni is not about all classes and no fun. I joined a lot of clubs, mostly useless like CASA, some Asian student association. I really regret joining it, as I paid $9 for a reputed "clubbing" club, when I'm not even close to being of age. Then again, they were giving out really nifty clipboards very similar to my drawing clipboard, and I've been wanting another one for ages. In addition to signing up for 6 UW clubs (obviously I don't plan on attending all of them), I also signed up for about 3 WLU clubs. Speaking of WLU, you won't believe some of the stories I've heard from Jackie. I don't think anyone would really want to know. Sure the people and the buildings are nice, but not what goes on behind residence doors...*shudder*. Makes me very glad to be in Beck Hall.

Thanks to a new friend living a few floors below us, I got to watch "The Whole Nine Yards" (which is pretty funny) and FFVII: ADVENT CHILDREN"! WOOT! The graphics are sooooo sexy...Clouuud...=]~. I haven't played FF7 but watching the movie is just pure eye candy so even though I understood about 5% of the entire thing, I just couldn't stop drooling. It's like 99999 times better than "The Spirits Within", which I didn't really understand either. Everyone MUST watch Advent Children...soooo goooood...... Haha...then I watched the first 15 minutes or so of "Red Eye" but it really started to bore me, then we tried to watch Schindler's List, but it wasn't really a "get high" movie, so we decided to watch "Animal House". It's like the 60s version of "American Pie" so the humour is old, but if I was a teen in the 60s I'm sure I'd have found it hilarious, so props to that movie even though it blew for me.

Right now I'm just looking forward to this afternoon. There's a free anime viewing session put on by the godly CTRL-A (Club That Really Likes Anime) =]. Hopefully this weekend I won't forget to bring shopping bags when I go to Food Basics again. Last week I had to lug a cardboard box onto the bus =_=.

Back for the weekend

chibi_tenshi — Sat, 10 Sep 2005 02:27:00 GMT

I have one thing to say: Monte Carlo sucked. Because the people there were either too crazy or not crazy enough. First, Jeff and Johnny ditched us. Then when Lily and I dragged Tommy to the dance floor, he kept whining and asking to leave to play pool. But of course we kept him there cause we needed an escort back home (UWP is so far from Student Life Centre T_T). After random encounters with "Korean dude", we sat around doing nothing for a while, then proceeded to the PAC where Tommy was on a winning streak in Blackjack. Lily and I got so bored, we decided to ditch him and Wesley. And Jeremy wouldn't have bubble tea with us >_<". After we got back to our suite, we left the door open and some white guys came around and told us there was a party in room 901. Happily, we went downstairs to find a room full of alcohol (smelled nasty too) and provocative Britney Spears posters. So we made a hard but right decision and left (DON'T DRINK!). Then, talking about guys until 1am, we fell asleep. Pretty crappy night.

Today was a slight improvement. Stupid fire alarm was so loud. Sadly, Lily and I weren't aware of the fact that we had to go downstairs. We thought they were just testing the alarm itself, and that it wasn't a drill. Apparently it was. But nobody found out that we stayed in our room (shh!). Haha... The "Village Carnival" was pretty boring cause we didn't really participate in much. But lunch was okay. Had a hamburger, a hot dog, 2 ginormous cookies and a watermelon slice. Very filling indeed. Met up with Tak and Jing, and showed them around our suite. Then after a couple hours of ex-friend-bashing *coughcough* and screwing up Tommy's social life, we went for bubble tea. We all got large. HUGE MISTAKE! I had to hold it in for TWO HOURS on the bus home. GOD, that killed. NEVER NEVER NEVER drink a large bubble tea before a 3-hour bus ride in rush hour traffic. Uuggghhh...

Well, finally home now. Yay, comfy bed, but NO, must...go...study...math...><". I want to see my friends again!

"Every 10 seconds, somewhere on this earth, a woman is giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped."

It's here!

chibi_tenshi — Thu, 08 Sep 2005 20:12:00 GMT

I'm finally at UW now, having to pitifully borrow my friend's laptop (without his full consent, so shhh! >=]) to blog because I don't have one of my own T_T. Orientation so far was wicked! Daytime stuff was "ehh...". Tiring, but that's when and where I met some new friends. The nighttime activities are pretty amazing. Last night was particularly fun cause we met up coincidentally with a bunch of Campbell people at MKV. Game night, woot! Haha...then later when I got back, Char was online so chatting with my chum was fun =]. And Billeh told me some disturbing things...but let's not get into that.

Ahhhh I miss my friends and yes, even my family...and my nice comfy bed. But I'll be home tomorrow afternoon so yay! Then I'll have to leave Sunday night and hopefully not bomb the test on Monday ><".

Today is a boring day...not much to do, but we have a double-degree lunch in about an hour and hopefully Monte Carlo night will be a blast!

"A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep."

New beginnings

chibi_tenshi — Wed, 31 Aug 2005 05:46:00 GMT

Well, well...so this is what we've all been waiting for...v2. Looks purdy, but I think it's a bit programming-heavy. Takes FOREVER to load each page ><". Mostly due to my slow processor, but v1 was MUCH faster (not to mention simpler). After reading some new blogs about downtown hiking, T&T, and killer bees being attacked by even more murderous humans (Jo, Matt and Albert respectively), I decided that I should now try to give my own two cents into the past few days of life (and last few days of summer T_T). BTW, you guys should really ENABLE comments >_<!!

So anyways, how interesting and appropriate that version two should launch right before many of us begin a wonderous new year (of studies) in our lives. Ah, university. How I loathe that term right now. But soon it shall lodge itself within me and integrate into my life. I'm expecting a lot from Frosh Week. It BETTER be good XP. Then, of course, I shall resume to settle into my usual sinusoidal rut of everyday student life. Get up, eat, go to classes, eat, more classes, sleep. Next day, ditto. And repeat till my head spins. Right now, I can't wait for Christmas =_=".

I've finally decided to discontinue my "beloved" marketing position (more popularly known as "the knife job" =_=). Sadly, I was happy to leave. BYE-BYE, OFFICE ONE-TWO-FOUR-NINE! =D I won't miss your ass-harassing chairs, your over-ACed first floor and under-ACed second, the sugar-coated, seemingly honourable speeches with the same underlying message, "DEAL MORE STEEL!" nor all those horrible times I heard the success of others and pondered that of mine. Though if there's one thing I'll miss, it's the people and the uncanny sense of humour. And for some of them, their dedication to what they do. It was challenging and tough, but I learned a lot and took home much more than I invested so I'm thankful.

On the other hand, I will miss the Zoo. Blue chickens, condiment stands, Wal-Mart threats, I'll miss you! And all the people were so nice T_T. Though I only went to one staff outing, it really showed me how such different people can be brought together by having one thing in common. One more day on the job, but hopefully it won't be my last at the zoo.

So, onto the "log" part of "blog". Not much to write about. Yesterday night was great. Chumster dinner..oh man, that place was CHEAP! We MUST go again! I had pork chops and chicken b-r-e-a-s-t (can't even type it properly cause theSpoke has suddenly become C8-rated...those of you who watch Canadian TV know what it means) on spaghetti. Cost: $5-something. Ah, bliss. Tasted and priced like heaven. What more can you ask for? (Except more competent service, but it was okay.) And <3 for Lily for the cute-as-heck plushie. Char should not be allowed to play with both of them. =_=

Something to look forward to: The O.C. season 3 premiere - Sept. 8! =D I heart CTV.

I also notice that the 32-bit colour wheel has been reduced to a boring spectrum of 21 web-safe shades. Great, no more rainbow-y entries, either. ARGH. Well, unless I use HTML but who's got the patience for that?! And of course, the senseless censoring. What's so bad about a chicken part that everyone eats? GEEZ.

Hopefully my blogs will become more interesting next week...till then, ja ne.

"Someday, my ship will come in, but with my luck, I'll be at the airport."

Gimme some of that old-time gaming!

chibi_tenshi — Sat, 20 Aug 2005 04:38:00 GMT

I just spent the last few days going around abandonware sites and browsing through all these old, old games. Basically, reliving my childhood though DOS GAMING! Oh yeah! I mean, come on, who DIDN'T enjoy the satisfaction of completing a mind-boggling level of Chip's Challenge, or shooting weird looking things with Commander Keen, or fording across rivers on The Oregon Trail (not to mention taking a million pictures on The Amazon Trail), or annihilating those Nazis in Wolfenstein 3-D? These games...(read more)

Recount of one long-ass week

chibi_tenshi — Tue, 16 Aug 2005 22:09:00 GMT

After having not blogged for more than a week (mostly due to laziness), I feel obliged to sit my ass down now and chronicle my happenings for the past 7 (or more) days. Last Sunday I had work, nothing very exciting happened. Monday I had to opt-out of a division meeting for personal reasons. Then I biked to the library in the evening to give Louis' yearbook to Char to sign, and also met up with Amanda and Erica who were also out biking. It's always nice to see friends anywhere, anytime because you know you'll miss them like hell when you're gone. Tuesday was mostly a stay-home day.

Wednesday was pretty fun. Char finally got to go to HP's house. Me and Jo walked to Woodside to meet Char and HP. Of course, HP was "fashionably" late as always. She then drove us to her house which is a scary thought but she's actually a pretty good driver. We watched FMA for 4 hours straight. See Char, I told you he was hot. Then we just randomly flipped through HP's yearbooks since she's the biggest yearbook geek I've ever met in my entire life. Char was sad enough to have discovered a "triangle" in our yearbook...haha let's hope it all becomes true...or history. I ended up bringing home lots of gum (thanks, Pingy!).

After that, I had to leave for my staff BBQ. So Pingy drove me to the bus stop and she drove Char and Jo home. I took the bus like Alpesh told me to, but frankly, his instructions suck =P. I got lost in the middle of Malvern in the evening, and then it started raining so it was rather darker than usual. And after the stuff people told me about that area, I felt quite unsafe. Thankfully I finally found my way to his house after being half-drenched in rain. The BBQ itself was quite enjoyable, albeit I discovered some mildly disturbing news which changed my views about someone (though I kind of suspected it). It was close to Savanna's birthday so apparently some people had bought (or made) her a cake. Just because she's super awesome, very awesome, nice nice awesome. Then Linda proceeded to look like a potato in photographs (just because she's a lazy, incompetent, nerdy, dumb ass...and yes, that's a compliment) while Amber danced with brick walls and Helena awwww-ed everything and Nithya continued her camera-happy blitz and Savanna got high on Alpesh's close shave and Clark became Stifler's mom. I completely understand that the last two sentences probably made no sense whatsoever to all you sane people...but hey, we're face-painters (except Clark). We're different. Thanks to our job, we're just as immature as our clients. But that's what's great about it. Since Nithya (our manager) would be leaving soon, as in next week (Wed. is the last time I get to see her T_T), we gave her a book, Where the Sidewalk Ends, which I'm sure many of you will remember from your cherished childhood days.

Then Amber gave us this touching little speech about how sad it is that we just can't think abstractly like kids anymore. We've lost that innocence and curiousity. We're so absorbed in trying to be what other people think we should be that we can't think on our own, forthwith. Our imagination which used to run around freely has faded away and it will most likely never return. The age of purity has passed, never to come back. We always love to share stories with each other whether it's funny, cute or just downright pathetic. So Amber told us a short anecdote about some kid coming up to her, and seeing our little holes where we nestle our paint containers, asked her for eggs, because the kid thought the little slots looked like those those egg containers. That's what I'm talking about. Just the candor and the naïveté, the funny yet amazingly different way kids see the world...I'll definitely miss that. It's really very sad if you think about, so I don't want to brood on it too long. I just want to shout a huge THANK YOU to Nithya for being such a super-wicked manager/supervisor for the past two years and GOOD LUCK in Ottawa! And by the way, your singing rocks. Sadly I never got to see the DJ cause I was on the phone =_=. But hopefully you'll invite me to your wedding so I can get a glimpse of him XP.

Moving on, Thursday was okay. I know I had work at the zoo but I don't really remember what happened...o_O

Friday afternoon was spent DDR-ing at Sarah's house (again! woot!). Yes, I got better. I'm moving on to 'Light' now instead of 'Beginner'. Hahaha! Hopefully soon I'll kick ass at 'Heavy'...yeah, in my dreams. I need WAY more practice. After a couple of hours, people started leaving, so it was only me, Sarah, Bobbie and Jess left. I don't know what was more fun, DDR, or KILLING EDWINA (that bitch!). Explanation: We played 4-player Timesplitters on Sarah's PS2 as a team, and one of our most annoying opponents was Edwina, this freakishly cute and seemingly innocent (but very murderous and fast on her feet) little girl in a red dress, so we tried to kill her as many times as we could. I hope that clarification sorts out any preternatural innuendos of the fact that we're pedophiliac, homocidal maniacs bent on victimizing little girls. Yes, monkeys with bats running around a gigantic ice field beheading enemies at least twice as tall was the best game ever. I'll let Sarah, Bobbie, or Jess explain that one to you. It was almost 8 by the time I left...oops. Thanks Sarah for the ride home, though I live less than 10 minutes walk away. =] I shall see you and/or your DDR mat again...in the near future...XP.

Saturday and Sunday were both work days. Saturday was okay cause I didn't have to be ALONE the entire day. Though it was still pretty slow, Amber and I entertained each other with peculiar stories of our mediocre lives. I learned a great many things about life that day...most of which I can't recall right now. Sunday was alright. Alone in Africa, but it was pretty busy, considering it rained for a while. 45 faces...just needed 5 more...damnnn. Haha, I still remember that Alpesh painted ZERO while I was on my break and then after he left the crowd came in hordes...quite intimidating to have 20 people crowded around you while you make FINE ART. XP

And on Sunday night, it happened. My wildest dream came true. A homemaker+8 under my name =]. But I gave a bunch of stuff for free so my CPO's still rather low =P...but I'm closer to promotion now! Yay! That was definitely the icing on the cake to another great weekend. Gee, doesn't all this sound familiar...Sarah's house and DDR on Friday, a lot of faces done on the weekend, then a sale on Sunday night. Hopefully this week won't be as dreadful as the last one though.

LILY'S BACK! Well okay you were back yesterday, but my UW roomie is finally here in TO again. Can't wait to talk to you =D.

Which brings us to yesterday and the last and final part of my long-ass recount. We had a team meeting and I volunteered to help sell some bracelets for charity for a couple of hours after our meeting at the local mall. It didn't go anything like I imagined. First we got kicked off store property. Then we got kicked off mall property. Then Bonnie told me we were expected to stand around selling Children's Wish Foundation bracelets for FOUR HOURS. I mean, okay it's for the children, but FOUR HOURS?? And then there was the selling itself. "Hi, would you like to support The Children's Wish Found-" "No, thanks." Come ON, people. Think of the kids! Also there was stuff like "I don't have change." Gee, I wonder what that jingling sound in your pocket is, then? Or my favourite, "I don't have money" when they're lugging around three huge shopping bags full of stuff. I saw many office workers walking around in suits and blazers. You'd think they're making good money and wouldn't mind donating some of it. $2 to grant a sick child his/her last wish! But no, they were even worse than the general public. It was the same routine. Shake head, give me a wistful look, speed-walk away. I ended up taking a lunch break around 3pm cause I started feeling a bit dizzy for not eating. I'm eating so little on the days I work now I'm afraid I'll just be all skin and bones by September. (Must...gain...weight...) Sick of people's lame excuses, I finally told my manager I had to leave at quarter to 5. I believe by then we had sold around 400 bracelets in total. Damn York Region was all sold out by then. Oh well...some people stayed around so hopefully they finished up the bag. Then I went to Shoppers to pick up my photo prints. They said they'd email me when it arrived. They said it'd be ready in 3 days. Did any of those two things happen? NO. But hell, I got what I wanted so I'm happy.

So there you have it. Another glorious summer week in the life of me. I'm sure I surpassed Jo's rant in word count. And being inherently lazy, don't expect updates when I have busy days, but rather anticipate long ramblings of pure nothingness during my down times.

"The Force is like duct tape - it has a dark side, a light side, and it binds the Universe together!"

The other line is dead

chibi_tenshi — Sun, 07 Aug 2005 01:42:00 GMT

You know what really sucks? When you try so hard and yet nothing becomes of it. I've been trying these past few days, for various things. I've taken initiative, or I've tried to support others to the best of my abilities. But nobody's responding to my calls. I'm talking and pleading and asking, but then I hear nothing in return. The other line is dead. Frustration is really kicking in these days. Nothing has been going my way for nearly a week now. I have some random thoughts on life I'd like to just spill out. I'm sorry that it's all very negative, but I don't have the heart to write anything uprising or optimistic. So if you're having a great day so far, and you don't want to ruin it, then you can stop reading now. Otherwise, let's begin another rant, shall we?

one; futility and hostility
You're standing with a group of people, too afraid to cross the water. There's no telling what's on the other side or underneath the surface. Nothing is in your way, so you take those first steps as others look on. You've taken the initiative and you feel proud of yourself. Then you stop to look back and everybody has disappeared. They've left you and gone elsewhere. No, nobody understands the courage you had to muster up to take those first steps. They may quietly want to follow, but they don't have enough strength to do so. And in the end you're still left alone, stranded in the middle of nowhere. So when it's your turn to follow and support someone else, why should you? When they turned their back on you, too frightened, in case you drown and pull them down with you? And so the antipathy is passed back and forth. The friction heats things up. WHY SHOULD I GIVE A DAMN WHEN THEY DON'T?

two; fakers and breakers
Or, consider this. You're calling out to someone for support, for a helping hand. They've been there a few times in the past, but now, just when you really need someone, they take off in the other direction. They pretend that nothing's ever happened between you and them, and shake off all relations with you. It's like they're a whole new different person, yet they don't offer any explanation or reasoning. And you're left sitting there wondering who or what could have changed them like so? Call it betrayal, disloyalty, traitorous, whatever. In the end, it doesn't matter because all those time they've been there was when there was something in it for them. They didn't care if you ever breathed again afterwards; all they wanted was either to see you suffer, for those psychotic, jealous types, or some quiet profit, for the greedy, selfish ones. IS ANYONE STILL THERE?

three; the social ladder
The only clear thing to me is that some people see life as some sort of competition, where if you're at the bottom you'd better get higher fast, even if it means stepping over your friends and those who've supported you in the past. And if you're at the top you can look down on all the others and laugh, or otherwise kick around some stray heads for your personal amusement, and at the same time (being so multi-talented to have made your way to the top) you can pretend to be nice and win the respect of the lower ones. So if being on top is viewed as being so malicious, why are we all vying for it? ARE YOU STILL ON MY SIDE?

four; reflections and questions
Why can't anyone see the effort you're making? How hard you try to maintain some kind of relationship, keep the memories from fading? And yet nobody seems to appreciate how much pain you go through, or how long you had to mentally prepare yourself to take that first leap. They all just look away, whether in oblivion or shame, you don't know. My question is, WHY? Turning a blind eye is hardly going to help shortening the drift. Are they trying as hard as you are? Do they actually care? From your standpoint, it doesn't seem like it. WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." -Robert Frost

What goes up must come down

chibi_tenshi — Fri, 05 Aug 2005 07:07:00 GMT

Well after a nice long weekend of fun and optimistic outlooks, this week has passed and I felt like I just flew through Hell. First of all it was hot, and secondly...well there's just too much...mostly job-related. Been sent home early cause of rain and heat, haven't been getting appointments...etc etc etc. This is living proof that there is a ying and a yang, and also proof of the lovely so-called "law of averages" where the light and the dark must always be in balanced. Meaning I can't have too much fun. But hopefully things will get better because it also means that it can't possibly get any worse...I hope?

"I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back."

Four more weeks to go

chibi_tenshi — Thu, 04 Aug 2005 01:20:00 GMT

Only one month of summer bliss left! Actually I don't know if I'm looking forward to or dreading the end of summer. It's been fun, but pretty bumpy thanks to my job. Hmm...I think I've been out a bit too much these days. Yesterday we had a meeting in the morning, and then I went field training. WRONG house TWO times! ><" What are the chances? Geez... though I learned the wonders of networking. It's a small world after all.

Today was pretty fun. Went to Woodside to lunch with Char, Olivia and Lisa. I swear those Bento Box people do NOT know what they're doing. Stupid "coupons"...hahaha...then when we ordered noodles they gave us rice, so that took another ten minutes to fix. By the time we finally started eating, Oli and Lisa were basically finished their lunches. Then we went to Olivia's house to watch *coughcough* a certain movie. Char was drooling all over Oli's carpet and being giddy throughout the whole thing, almost like last night and her conversation with *coughcough* a certain someone. Yay I finally get to see the ending of Mean Girls! Yes, I know I'm sad.

"Of all the things I've loved and lost, I miss my mind the most."

Falling into place

chibi_tenshi — Mon, 01 Aug 2005 07:42:00 GMT

So far, this long weekend has been absolutely fantabulous. I don't remember when things have ever been so positive for me. Let's start with Friday evening...Sarah's birthday party! Happy 18th, SAWA! Found out an interesting revelation that had been VERY well-kept by the two parties involved. ;) Jack Astor's was great. So many people showed up. I was overjoyed to be able to see some friends one last time before university. The food was okay; only too salty x.X HAHA Vanessa I got the little plastic stick thing for my fries! =P And hopefully your fridge thing goes well...o_O. And yes, Jess & Anita, Sousuke's HOT...=]~ Also, I got to see a special friend from the past. She seems to be doing well =]. I'll always remember those times we struggled with HTML together...haha... Most of Sarah's presents were pretty cool (exception: mine =.="). Interesting shirts and t-shirts...I like the one that said "I'm too pretty to do math". I should get one that says "I'm too dumb to do math" -_-. After Jackass's...sorry, Astor's...we couldn't really decide what to do so we hung around outside the entrance, where Jason proclaimed to me that he was still giving lots of love to Bee-lay. Hah, right. In any case, we finally decided on going to Sarah's house. Erica's mom drove me, Erica and Anita there. I so totally impressed her mom with my guo yu...go me...so then we found out we were the first batch to arrive (Steven got his lot lost around the Macklin area...saaaad). In the comfort of Sarah's basement, we played DDR and Janice learned the D chord on the guitar. We were all very happy for her, honestly, until she started to strum the same chord ceaselessly for like an hour, whereupon we mouthed our slight perturbance to her for her to LEARN A NEW CHORD, DAMMIT. So that she did. DDR was so WICKED. I MUST buy myself a PS2...if only for DDR...haha! I got an 'E' my first time, but by the time Erica's mom came to pick us up, I was getting a 'D'. Yay! Got home at almost 12am.

Saturday, I had work, so it wasn't very fun getting up at 8 when I slept at around 1. Work was okay, I dragged myself all the way up to Africa and painted 57 faces that day! BONUS CHECK! WOOT!

Sunday, got up at noon cause NOBODY WOKE ME UP! >_< I knew I would be dead for the rest of the day, but it turned out to be a good day. Went biking with Char and Jo. Gave up in about an hour so we went to Char's house where we helped her clear her snacks (heh heh) and watched some TV. Talked for a long time about school/uni..etc. But the highlight of the day had to be my appointment that evening with a client. I finally sold something! Even if it's only a slicer. OOHHH YEAHHHH!

This has been a great weekend. And I've just been informed that I can work tomorrow for an extra shift too. =DDDDDDDDD Don't have to sit around doing nothing for an entire day! Hopefully another bonus check coming? *Cross fingers* Hope for favourable weather...

"Earn cash in your spare time - blackmail your friends."

Painful aquatics

chibi_tenshi — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 03:46:00 GMT

Quite an interesting week has passed. First off, went to Student Life 101 at UW on the 23rd (Saturday). The information sessions were pretty repetitive and they just kept dragging on. The only interesting part was when I got to see my suite. It's puny, cramped up, dark, and stuffy. But hey, nobody (that I know of) has died from living there so hopefully I'll enjoy it as much as people say they did.

Monday: outlet shopping with Char and Jo! I feel like that's the only day I got anything accomplished *cough*lighter wallet*cough*. Bought a skirt, "denim" jacket, and a belt...haha, hopefully that belt is worth its price. God, it was sweltering that day. And we did stupid things, like walk across the parking lot (AGAIN!) when we could've just went through Sears, and walking in the sun when there's shade like 2 metres away. Oh well, it was fun anyways (killed my feet though...) Congrats Char for getting a job...man I should've went with you =.=".

Tuesday: what can I say? Most interesting sleepover I've ever had. Went to Matt's cousin/sister/friend/relative/acquaintance...etc's vacated condo with Jo, Evy, Matt (duh) and Fa to experience some upscale living. Well, not really; mostly just to have some fun. The ride there was soooo long and it was pouring like hell, though I was lucky cause it started raining just when I was a few steps away from the bus shelter. I saw a huge flash of lightning across from the bus stop. Then the thunder clapped and that totally freaked me out; nearly jumped a couple inches...haha... First thing we did when we got there was dump our stuff and go grocery-shopping for lunch/dinner. I had in mind that we'd buy some fresh veggies/meats and cook our own meal. But no, instead, laziness kicked in so we just bought 3 frozen pizzas to bake. When we got back, we had lunch (that egg was burnt to perfection! You guys were just jealous!) and I played billiards for the first time in my life. It's really fun; I wish I had my own equipment so I can practice. I was very surprised when I actually got some balls in (and so were the others...=_="). Then Fa came, so we finished up our game and went swimming.
Ah, swimming. I thought we'd just have a dip in the pool for about an hour, maybe do some laps, and finish with a few minutes in the hot tub, and return upstairs. However, life has a knack for never following through with what you expect. Turned out we had some underwater wrestling/drowning matches, "milking cows", group cannonball dives (into cold water right after the hot tub, just for fun), and a ridiculous game of tag. Ridiculous because the pool was meant for laps, so it was long and narrow, so all you have to do is corner a person at one end (which is very easy) and that's it...he/she's it. Sounds quite lame, but I sustained a few light injuries. I do NOT know how I got injured like this. Scratches on both elbows and bruises on both legs...*sigh* Oh, and not to mention being "accidentally" *coughcough* slapped by Fa. After two hours we decided to go back upstairs for dinner. Had 2 pizzas, and watched some old TV shows. Then went back down for swimming again! =D This time we mostly stayed in the kiddie area cause it was warmer. Played a couple rounds of Murder underwater (more injuries...stupid Matt...kept banging me and Evy together...stupid Fa...kept laughing/blowing bubbles/resurfacing when he's not supposed to) and in about 1 1/2 hrs we went back to shower and watch a movie. We put on Cold Mountain but it was so boring, we decided to watch other miscellaneous things instead. I was really tired and achy by then so I crashed early.
Next morning (today) was so painful cause the aches all amplified...augh. Got up at around 7:30am for no particular reason. Everyone was so dead (maybe the weather played a part) so we sat around watching lame TV/doing nothing for about 2 1/2 hours until Evy and Fa left. Then me, Matt and Jo went downstairs to play some pool where I got a call from my mom demanding me to come home at that instant so I wouldn't make us late for our dental appointment. I was about 1/4 of the way to the subway station when I realized I left my swimsuit in the bathroom =.= so I ran back into that maze of a building, got the keys from a very amused Matt and Jo, checked every room twice making sure I didn't leave anything else, and rushed back out. Got home at 11:30 exactly. Went to appointment, took a nap while waiting for everyone else to finish, came home, took a nice long nap, woke up, ate dinner, and now here I am with nothing to do again. Hopefully I'll be able to make it to Sarah's birthday party on Friday.

So there you have it. A (couple) day(s) in the life of a really bored teenager who's got nothing better to do.

"Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now."

Back-breaking reading

chibi_tenshi — Wed, 20 Jul 2005 02:11:00 GMT

Don't worry; this entry does not contain any spoilers...explicitly anyways, but I'll let you decide if you want to read it...hehe...

I've just spent two days straight reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, non-stop (excluding sleep, meals and the occasional washroom break). Well it's no wonder, is it, considering it's supposedly the "big thing" of the summer all of the Potter enthusiasts have been restlessly waiting for since the release of the fifth book. (Just one more to go now...how sad...maybe Rowling wouldn't mind writing an epilogue?) I feel so...refreshed, now that I'm caught up with the wizarding world. I don't have to shun those fansite pages which scream in big, bold red letters at the top "SPOILER WARNING!" and same goes to the news articles to which I no longer have to reluctantly point and click my mouse on the little red 'X' button at the top right corner, then later try to subdue my frustration and curiousity. Thankfully, unlike some other people I know *coughCHARcough*, I have managed to not ruin anything for myself, and discovered the surprises awaiting me in the book through reading it, rather than from third parties.

This section will contain spoilers, so highlight to read.

I must say that the death of Dumbledore surprised me; after I read it, my mind was blank; I blinked a couple of times, and had to reread the passage about five more times before the death finally sunk in, which was almost the same way I reacted to Sirius' passing in book 5, too. But Dumbledore's deceasing totally shocked me. I wanted to protest, thinking in my mind that Rowling could not have killed off such a crucial part of the backbone of her series. After reading that Harry wasn't coming back to Hogwarts anymore, I am now looking forward more than ever to the last installment of this powerful, magical, delightful, yet twisted series.
(Cool, it looks like white-out ^)

Unfortunately as I was being drawn so deeply into this fanciful world of warlocks and magic, my couch was also being dug so deeply into my backbone, as I was half-sitting, half-lying down for hours at a time when I read most of the book, and my laziness to budge surpassed the discomfort caused by my hard-as-rock couch. So now my hungry mind has at last been satiated by the new stream of Potter information, but my back is suffering from pain. Geez, the things I do to myself...

I miss bugging Lily T_T and I haven't been in contact with close friends in a while. Hopefully this isn't the start of a split? O_O Nah, don't think so...and I miss owning up TMMY in MSN games...hope you're both having fun in "Cha-na"! 小黑 (what's with that name anyways?), don't get too absorbed with your movies and "hot" girls...=_=. Don't want a drooling TaoMi in UW. And to mon chum incoherent, I really really really REALLY hope we can get a room ^_~. I'll be sure to check first thing in the morning on the 21st.

Startling revelation: Remember that chicken that didn't really taste like chicken at formal? Rumour has it that it was actually duck...o_O;;

Yeah I realized I was slacking on my colourful entries, but I'm BACK, more rainbow-y than ever! XD

"Help beautify our dumps. Throw away something pretty."