Headless Chicken

The Headless Chicken has left the building...

Didith — Thu, 10 May 2007 21:01:00 GMT

I've officially moved to blogger. Goodbye to theSpoke. Thank you for three great years.

What's with theSpoke?

Didith — Thu, 10 May 2007 12:52:00 GMT

I'm starting to seriously think of moving my blog somewhere else. I've held on to theSpoke for sentimental reasons--this was my first introduction to blogging and I've enjoyed every minute. It's done wonders for my mental health, definitely.

The problem I have is that there's so much "other stuff" on theSpoke now--ads for real estate, ads for cannabis seeds, even. Maybe it is time to move...

Laws of attraction or finding focus?

Didith — Wed, 09 May 2007 12:30:00 GMT

I bought a book entitled The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. It's not the sort of book I normally buy but I was intrigued. I was expecting something similar to Flow by Csikszentmihalyi but instead it was a motivational / life coaching book.

Having bought it, though, I'm reading it. It has one basic thesis: that the secret to life is the law of attraction. You attract what you think. The way to direct your universe is to constantly think, act, and believe in what you want and all of it will come to you. The same has been said in religion (Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened. Matthew 7:7) and literature/philosophy (...when you want something, the whole universe conspires for you to achieve it. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho). I've always believed this, mainly because, despite the fact that I am a control-freak or maybe because I am such a control-freak, I've benefitied way too much from serendipity than can be attributed to chance. We get what we ask for, which may or may not be equal to what we deserve.

I have a slightly different take on the law of attraction, though. I don't absolutely believe that you order things from the universe and the universe delivers them to your doorstep. I think half the equation is about focus. I think that the universe is constantly bombarding us with opportunities. We just fail to notice them because we aren't really sure what it is we want. Asking for something and believing we have it is a way of focusing our attention so that we notice what has been is right in front of us all this time. If, by chance, what we want is not yet within our grasp, asking and believing is a way of focusing our energies and our trajectories to go in the desired direction. Pearl of great price, treasure in the field, freedom in commitment--same banana.

Saying no

Didith — Tue, 08 May 2007 13:46:00 GMT

To Alfred: Yes, I heard about "no" once...

Gotta start practicing that.

Chasing deadlines

Didith — Mon, 07 May 2007 13:03:00 GMT

If I'm on leave, why do I have deadlines? These deadlines represent everything I had agreed to do outside of my usual Ateneo work. It also represents work I had picked up from my dealings in the UK.

April and May are a break from normal work life. They were a fieldtrip into "anything you like" land. Just thinking about going back is actually a little depressing. It's like brooding over death.

But again, don't get me wrong. I do love the Ateneo. I guess the thing here is that they are paying me to do what I like (for a change). There was a time when I took third summer leave for granted. Even when I was on third summer leave, I'd work anyway. This is the first time I've actually taken the time off, because there were things I wanted to do. It's pretty addicting.

OK, enough blogging. Back to the deadlines.

Cyrano de Bergerac

Didith — Sun, 06 May 2007 20:07:00 GMT

One of my favorite plays is Cyrano de Bergerac by Edmond Rostand. It was the story of a man with an abnormally long nose. He was in love with a young woman, Roxanne, who was, in turn, in love with a handsome young man, Christian. Cyrano was a brilliant swordsman and an eloquent writer. Christian was just handsome. To get Roxanne and Christian together (thinking this was what Roxanne wanted), Cyrano lends his eloquence to Christian. Roxanne, in the meantime, ends up falling in love with the soul and not the embodiment. It all ends very tragically, as these things do.

In one scene, Cyrano refuses to seek out a patron for his writing. He rhapsodizes about the joy of living a life without compromise:

But--sing?
Dream, laugh, go lightly, solitary, free,
With eyes that look straight forward--fearless voice!
To cock your beaver just the way you choose,--
For 'yes' or 'no' show fight, or turn a rhyme!
--To work without one thought of gain or fame,
To realize that journey to the moon!
Never to pen a line that has not sprung
Straight from the heart within. Embracing then
Modesty, say to oneself, 'Good my friend,
Be thou content with flowers,--fruit,--nay, leaves,
But pluck them from no garden but thine own!'
And then, if glory come by chance your way,
To pay no tribute unto Caesar, none,
But keep the merit all your own! In short,
Disdaining tendrils of the parasite,
To be content, if neither oak nor elm--
Not to mount high, perchance, but mount alone!

"Be nice"

Didith — Sat, 05 May 2007 19:11:00 GMT

A colleague of mine in the UK is working on a project called "Be Nice." It principally looks at the role of politeness and polite language in learning. Do learners learn better if feedback is polite? Does harsh feedback achieve better results? These are some of the questions she is examining.

I'm a believer in the notion that it's not what you say, it's how you say it. Saying something nicely will get the same results as and build more community than a harsh word, most of the time anyway.

I'm a believer but, alas, the flesh is weak. I sometimes fall prey to fits of temper or frustration where a harsh word is just about all that will leave my lips if I part them. And so I try the next best thing which is to keep my mouth shut.

This is one of the resolutions I've made following the trip: to take a vow of silence when my temper threatens to get the better of me. It's going to be a very quiet year ahead...

Congratulations to Team Pi!

Didith — Fri, 04 May 2007 14:08:00 GMT

Team Pi with members Paolo Tioseco (5CS), Salvador Reyes, Jr. (3CS), Wilhansen Li (2CS) and Roderick Tan (2CS) won second place in MS Philippines Imagine Cup Software Design Competition! Congratulations to the team for their efforts!

Congratulations also to Team Me for their participation!

You all worked very hard on your projects. Thank you for having given me the opportunity to serve as your coach!

Still jetlagging; Game development camp updates

Didith — Wed, 02 May 2007 13:07:00 GMT

I admit the jetlag is not as bad as when I come from the US. It's just inconvenient. It took me until about 1 am to sleep last night. I know this is normal for some people, but it's not for me. I sleep early and get up early, largely out of habit but partly because my classes begin at 7:30 am (or I probably get the 7:30 classes because I'm up early...).

Anyway, I hope things normalize by today.

***

We have an overflow of applicants for the game development camps. We had originally set the cap at 20, both for primary school (to use Scratch) and middle school (to use Neverwinter Nights). We've agreed to accept up to 25 for Scratch (thank you, Alfred!). For NWN, we're restricted by our licenses--we only have 20 copies of NWN (19 belong to the dept, one belongs to Aids--thank you!), so the only way to get past the ceiling is to find more copies.

I've had funny calls trying to armwrestle me into accepting more people. Everything from, "Please, my son is so disappointed!" to "Tell her I'm the one who helped her with..." It's nice when a product is so in demand.

Anyway, we're trying to find a way to expand the class without forcing people to share copies.

A piece of sky

Didith — Tue, 01 May 2007 18:20:00 GMT

In 1983 the movie Yentl, Barbra Streisand plays a girl, Yentl, pretending to be a boy in order to be able to get an education. I've always loved the music of that movie, most particularly the final song, entitled A Piece of Sky. In it, Streisand sings:

The more I live - the more I learn.
The more I learn - the more I realize
The less I know.
Each step I take -
(Papa, I've a voice now!)Each page I turn -
(Papa, I've a choice now!)Each mile I travel only means
The more I have to go.
What's wrong with wanting more?
If you can fly - then soar!
With all there is - why settle for
just a piece of sky?

We compromise adventure for security. It's not a bad choice, certainly not one I would fault. There are worse choices and worse consequences. I always wondered, though, whether my itching for more was just a character flaw, an aberration. This last trip brought me the comfort of meeting other people who shared that same hunger.

It is true that they were hungry in part because they needed to write grants and publish papers for survival. However, being an academic does not make you rich. A friend of mine in the UK works as a homeopathic therapist. She sees 10 clients a week. She works less and makes more than my academic colleagues. So the point here is that there are easier ways to make a buck.

Beyond survival, these people where infected with insatiable curiosity. There was nothing more important than knowledge, they said, and so they pursued it relentlessly.

So I'm not the only one who is hungry. I'm not the only one who has taken a glimpse and has wanted more. With all there is, there really is no need to settle for just a piece of sky.

Jet-lagging

Didith — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 10:19:00 GMT

Ah, the effects of shifting time zones! I woke up at 1:30 this morning and could not get back to sleep. This surprised me since I slept very well the previous night (or was that just exhaustion?) and had a full day.

But you know what's surprising? I dreaded coming home, yeet I find myself excited to be back. There's so much to do! New stuff, stuff I hadn't done before. My thoughts are constantly on the new projects. Maybe those are what are keeping me up as well.

Home again

Didith — Sun, 29 Apr 2007 19:51:00 GMT

I'm home.

I'm generally glad to be back, though I admit there tensions are already creeping back into my system.

But overall, it is still good to be home.

Picky

Didith — Fri, 27 Apr 2007 07:36:00 GMT

I read once that friends are God's way of making up for relatives. In short, you can't choose your relatives, but you can choose your friends. How does this apply to a work setting? Is it safe to say that (at least in an academic setting) you can't choose your fellow teachers and the staff, but you can choose your partners and collaborators? You can't always choose who ends up sharing the same office, teaching the same subject, sitting on the same committee. So is it all right to be picky about the people who end up on your research team, co-writing grants or papers with you, or otherwise endeavoring in extra-curricular or co-curricular activities?

I try very hard to include my students and my colleagues in my various projects. However, I will also admit that there are some people whom I do not want to involve. I sometimes feel guilty about this, wondering if I'm being too selfish or too narrow-minded. Sometimes, other people do the guilt-tripping for me, telling me that I should bring one person or the other into the fold for whatever reason. I wonder, though: am I wrong to be picky? After having worked so hard, so independently, with so little internal support, and having invested so much of my own resources, monetary and otherwise, haven't I earned the right to choose who gets to be on my team?

Am I the dog in the manger or am I the litte red hen? The dog in the manger refused to leave, snapping and snarling at the horse, preventing it from eating the hay. As a result, both the dog and the horse died. The little red hen on the other hand, found some grains of wheat in the yard, planted them, harvested them, had the grain milled, and baked the bread all by herself. All the while, the other animals ignored her requests for assistance. When the bread was finally ready for eating, everyone suddenly showed up at her doorstep. She turned them all away and ate the bread herself.

I would like to think that I am the latter.

A fresh start

Didith — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 22:24:00 GMT

A nephew of mine just graduated high school last March and is starting college in Ateneo this June. During his graduation party, I congratulated him. He responded, "Thank you--at last, a fresh start!"

Although I was surprised at his perspective, I did understand what he meant. In fact, I can identify with his meaning more and more as my return to Manila approaches. In all the years I have travelled and all the times I've been away, this is actually the first time I've not looked forward to going home. Being here, working here--it's all been a fresh start, a chance to do new and interesting things, to work with new people, to live up to new challenges and expectations.

Of course, I realize that my situation here is artificial. The transcience of my visit creates a heightened sense of excitement and urgency. If I stayed here much longer, I suppose the emotions will settle into a calmer, more realistic sort of normalcy. However, there's something to be said about being freed of having to care about things that I don't actually care about, and just having a chance to just care about me and mine for a change. This is the first time I've ever felt so great a temptation to run away from home and run towards an existence that just feels so much more simple and focused.

I realize that the contrasts of home and here make the "here" much more attractive. In literature, some characters or situations are foils of others, which is to say that their creators design them to be different from other characters or situations in order to emphasize characteristics. Without the foil, the main character loses some of his/her definition. I wonder whether without, for example, Ateneo in my life, the temptation to stay here would be as strong? Indeed, I wonder if my current interests in AI in Education or Affective Computing would even exist without Ateneo, or if I would feel so desperate to make time for research if my time were not so parcelled out to many other non-research-related concerns?

I don't think I'll ever have an opportunity to find out for sure, but I hypothesize that existing in the tension is much of what drives me, and that to lose half the equation would make the other half less necessary. It's very 1 + 1 = 3.

So maybe a fresh start isn't really the order of the day. Perhaps the order of the day is reinvention, a building on the old to create the new.

Games and philosophy

Didith — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 08:55:00 GMT

To Aids: Thanks for the recommendations! And you know what the best part is? This is RESEARCH!